A Boy Called Me Stupid

​I picked up my two grandchildren from school. I was driving them to have a special snack with me. The oldest is eleven years old, and the youngest is seven years old. We were in the car for only a few minutes when the youngest said, “A boy called me stupid”. Alarms were going off in my head. I needed to slow down my thoughts and get control of myself. I wanted my words to be wise, kind, and loving. I said, “That’s not true, because you are so smart.” We asked her, "What is his name", but she was unwilling to share it with us. I asked her if she shared this with her teacher. She had a sub that day, so she did not. The incident happened in the hallway. They were supposed to be quiet. The boy whispered it in her ear. My greatest fear was that she would believe the lie. She is smart, and I did not want the lie to stick with her for the rest of her life.
I wanted her to see a different perspective. I said, “Well, you never know what’s going on at home with his parents, older siblings, or in his neighborhood. There might be people telling him he is stupid.
You represent someone safe that he can share his unkind thoughts with”. The older sister said, “Yes, having empathy”. I know there is zero tolerance at school for bullying. I encouraged her to share this with her teacher. Her older sister said, “it is not tattle tailing if you share with a teacher something someone has done or said that is hurtful, unkind or physically harmful. It is called reporting.”
I was very impressed with the school and the training the children were receiving.
The younger sister sat listening.
I wanted her to understand that people say hurtful things. It has nothing to do with her. I encouraged her to share this with her teacher. I circled back to her after Spring Break. I asked her if she ever shared the incident with her teacher. She said, “No, we worked it out”.
I said, “Really, how so?”
She said, “I asked my teacher if he and I could meet at the cubbies”.
(I found out later the cubbies are in the hallway where the students put their belongings)
The teacher said, “Yes”.
She and this boy went out into the hallway. She said, “Please do not call me names.”
He said, “Ok, I won’t do that in the future”.
I asked her if she ever told her teacher.
She said, “No”.
The older sister said, “You are to try and work it out first with the person, and if it keeps happening, tell a teacher, parent, or trusted adult."
I am so proud of the younger sister for being courageous and mature.
What a great example. Be honest by sharing the hurt with the person who said the unkind words. We can respect each other and their feelings and speak kind words.
Are there any lies you have believed about yourself?
Could you use my granddaughter's example and share the hurtful words with the person who hurt you?