It was a mild, beautiful day in December. Pete and I decided it would be a great day to go to the park.
We invite our son, Jason, and his three children, our grandchildren, to go with us. It's a day to be
outside and enjoy the fresh air. We invite our niece, Melissa, and her dog who live close by.
The kids were running all over the place and having a good time.
The dog was enjoying the open space and running after the ball.
We were all throwing the football back and forth. The ball was thrown to me and as I reach up to try
and catch it, my legs came out from underneath me. My head ricocheted off the ground.
I rested for a few minutes, and then we left. I never gave it another thought. 
The next day, I experienced a bad headache and was very tired.
My niece called a couple of days later, and her first question was, "how is your head doing?"
I suddenly remembered what happened and it explained why I had a headache and why I was so tired.
I had a minor concussion. 
Ten months later, I was out for one of my walks. I was almost home when my ears filled up with pressure.
I couldn't walk straight, and I was dizzy.
What just happened?  It's so scary. A few seconds later it passes. I make it home.
Over the next six months I have a few more episodes. 
I decide it's time to look into why this could be happening. I talk to one of my nieces who lives
in Connecticut and is a physical therapist. She suggests I go to a physical therapist to see
if the Epley maneuver is needed.
If you have crystals dislodge in your ear, these symptoms can be present. The Epley maneuver
will cause the crystals to move and return to where they came loose.
They can perform preliminary tests to determine if this maneuver is needed and determine it
isn't necessary and he sends me to an ear, nose, and throat doctor. The one I choose
specializes in brains which is an added bonus. He asked me a lot of questions. One of them was,
"Do you ever get headaches?" I said, "Only when I am dehydrated."
He said, "Well, that is a brain response". I never thought of it being a brain response. 
He determines these episodes are vestibular migraines. Thankfully this type of migraine is not the 
type that leaves you debilitated, or that you have to take medication for. It passes within seconds,
and I know to take it easy the rest of the day. I later learn that it's the brain letting you know that
you're about to reach your limit and I need to take it easy.
At the end of the appointment, I mentioned the head trauma I experienced several months prior.
He was surprised I didn't share that with him when he first came in. I did share this information
with his assistants that had asked me a lot of questions prior to him coming into the room.
He explained that the brain has less capacity because of the brain injury. He sends me to get an MRI
to rule out a tumor in the ear canal. The MRI shows that I have encephalomalacia. It is the softening
of the brain tissue. YIKES! 
I start reading about it and have to stop. I decide to let the experts share with me what it is the next step.
The neurologist read my MRI. She asked, "Did you have brain trauma four years ago?" 
I answered, "Yes, I fell off my bike. I wasn't wearing a helmet. The side of my head hit the pavement
hard and I had a concussion." If I count the concussion I had when I was nine years old, that is
three brain injuries. WOW! 
I asked her what was next. She said, "Nothing. We will wait and see if more symptoms show up."
A year later, I scheduled an appointment with the ENT again to provide him my data I collected from the 
past year, and he said the most common cause of a vestibular migraine is dehydration. I've been
drinking more water and had one in a year. I am grateful for that.
I don't know what's next, but I know God is with me and He will provide for me.
​For now, I live!

In my blog post, The Bully, I shared about my experience with fear and anxiety. The bully was the anxiety in my heart. God allowed me to see what was in my heart and why.
In The Bully, I mentioned that someone said, “Sue doesn’t dare confront me."
God used this to show me that fear was ruling my heart.
I love that He allowed me to see what He sees.
Following this, I experienced the same discomfort as I was talking to someone. It caught my attention.
I realized I needed to say, “Hey, can we back up a few sentences? You just said,’__________________________', Can we talk about this?"
It was an open door to share and resolve a few things. I stepped into the conversation with courage, and we were able to dialogue about it. We both gained understanding and compassion for one another.
A few weeks later, the same thing happened. It was with the person who said, “Sue doesn’t dare confront me.” God gave me a dress rehearsal with the person in the above situation. So I said, “Can we back up to what you just said.” God gave me the courage and the words to speak truth to this person.
I can let things slide when I need to engage. I need to see it as an opportunity to grow my relationship with them. I can gain perspective and understanding. God is teaching me to be curious. When I ask questions, it allows me to hear their perspective. I might not know what is going on below the surface.
What knowledge do I need to attain to gain an understanding of them and where they are at?
What is going on with them that requires empathy?
How can I respond in kindness to them?
I gain new information. I can extend empathy, kindness, and compassion.
I love that God showed me that I can trust Him in difficult situations where I can let Him navigate. He will show me if He wants me to confront. He will give me the perspective He wants me to have and provide the words He wants me to share.
I can be courageous and let Him provide.
Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with His Spirit.
Galatians 5:25 ​

​It was August of 2022, and I took a hiking trip with my friend Bev.
We’ve been friends since we were in fourth grade. We both lived around the corner from each other in New York. In March of 1976, we were in eighth grade, and my dad announced we were moving to Florida. It was a sad time for me.
We have been best friends since, regardless of the miles in between.
As we approached our fortieth birthday, we decided to plan a hiking trip to Grand Tetons and Yellowstone National Park. After this trip, we decided to plan hiking trips for our decade birthdays. When we turned fifty, we went to Zion National Park. When we turned sixty, we went to Glacier National Park. While we were there, Bev shared some unsettling news with me that her mom had a nodule on her lung. I was shocked. My heart was heavy with grief as we processed together. During one of our dinners, she expressed her need to explore the whole concept of death. Alarms and whistles went off inside me, and I remember thinking, “I need to think about this and provide the answer.”.
There was a nagging feeling inside me because I felt I needed to provide an answer for her. I used my blog to write about what I would share with her. I began to write. During one of my writing sessions, something was happening inside me. I STOPPED WRITING. I paused for a long time.
I realized I had been carrying this burden as if it was mine.
As I paused, I realized I didn’t need to do anything.
I don’t recall her saying, “Sue, what are your thoughts about death?” Why did I feel this need to take this on as my quest? After pausing for several minutes, my focus began to shift. I thought about what was going on with her.
How was she dealing with this news? Was she panic-stricken or anxious? Was she angry? How did this news affect her? What did she want to know about death? Was she trying to wrap her head around the thought of losing her mom, who she is very close with? She might have been thinking about her well-being after her mom passes away someday. It could be she was trying to imagine life without her mom. What did she want to figure out? Did she want to know what happens to a person after they die? Was she wondering about her death? In those pausing moments, I realized I hadn’t taken the time to explore this with her. I was too consumed with my response. What if I had taken the time to ask those questions and listen? It might have led me to a place of understanding and the greatest treasure of all, her heart. I can’t go to Glacier National Park today, but we can start a new conversation next time we talk.
I can approach it differently and be curious. I can ask all those questions I didn’t ask last summer. I can discover how this is affecting her.
I can discover new things about her by giving her time and space.
All I need to do is LISTEN!

​We are all in the same boat. 
When we believe in Jesus, grace doesn't kick us out of His boat. 
Jesus invites us all in, and we sit at His table.
Grace locks arms and says, "Let's do this. Let's go to the cross together and experience freedom, peace, love, and power."
Jesus' presence burns like fire and is power.
It's where anxiety, fear, depression, addictions, and strongholds, and CHAINS FALL OFF.
Let's go, let's do it together.

Coronavirus, stock market volatility, rising unemployment, recession, high school shootings, politics, family conflict, racial injustice, domestic abuse. Do these cause you anxiety, fear, anger, or outrage?
My heart is at peace, and something happens that causes a reaction.
I am triggered. I have no control over it.
Could this reaction be a call from God to come, an invitation?
He wants peace to reign in my heart.
Do not let your hearts be troubled. John 14:1
Why is there unrest? He wants to provide wisdom, comfort, peace, and reassurance. He wants to soothe me.
Be still and know that I am God. Psalms 46:10
At times, I can get stuck. There are negative ways I use to cope and deal with this disturbance. I isolate, get angry, get anxious.
Something stole the peace, contentment, and joy I had.
I feel unbalanced.
What was it?
God wants me to surrender so He can provide what I need. What do I need? He knows.
When I remember this, He will provide what I need. He calls me to come.
I am not supposed to fix it or do something about it.
Surrender is stopping, changing direction, and running back to Jesus.
He is waiting.
When I allow Him to work things out, I recognize something is not right inside me. I have to stop and get curious. When I want to figure it out myself, I end up striving. God wants me to stop and be honest with Him. He reveals He is in control and has it covered.
He has something to teach me, and it's better.
The very thing that once caused unrest in my heart is what He uses to mold and shape me.
A gift.
I surrender under His authority so I can have His joy and peace!
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of God dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. Colossians 3:15
I can get snagged on failure and perfection. I learned the only thing I can fail at is not putting my faith and hope in Jesus because He is in charge. Failing is associated with judgment and condemnation. My relationship with Jesus is not a pass-fail relationship.
There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
He wants to grow His love and grace in me, which is the opposite of condemnation. He loves me always. He never leaves me nor forsakes me. If I choose to fret, be angry, or strive, I miss the intimacy and blessings He has for me.
He will not compete with other gods. He hates the things that steal our peace. He wants my heart to follow Him ALWAYS. ​

Recently, I wrote a blog post on Disappointment.
I mentioned that I am learning to call a spade a spade and learning to acknowledge it.
It did not work out as I had hoped, but I have options.
I am learning to stop in the middle of the mess, and say, “SURRENDER”.
​I am learning to stop and pray, “What are my options?”.
I am learning when I get snagged. I must be aware so I don't hand my power to a person and blame them.
I am learning to take responsibility and own what stole my peace, joy, and happiness.
I am learning to communicate my needs and wants.
I am learning to prepare myself because I may not receive what I need or want. People owe me nothing.
I could communicate it without holding them responsible.
I could accept that life happens. Let it go and move on.
I could become more aware of this feeling.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart. (Colossians 3:15)
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (Galatians 5:1)
Each moment is a gift.
I can pause, check in with my heart, and consider my options.
God always has something better.