​I'M PREGNANT!!!!
Those are great words to say when you expect to hear them, but if you say those words and you aren't expecting to listen to them, it is a much different experience. 
I was twenty years old when I found out I was pregnant. I had been feeling lousy in the mornings for a few weeks. One of my friends at school had tuned in to how I was feeling because one morning I was eating a bagel, and he said, "Now I bet your going to say you don't feel good". WOW, I had no idea I had been saying this after eating something. 
It wasn't too long after that I suspected I could be pregnant. I decided to get a pregnancy test taken. My boyfriend at the time and soon-to-be husband, Pete, went with me to a clinic. I went back to the room with a nurse, and he stayed in the waiting room. The test took no time at all. The next thing I knew, I was sharing with Pete that the test was positive. He thought I was joking; what were the odds? 
As soon as I walked outside the building, he thought I would laugh as if I was playing a joke on him, but instead, I burst out crying. How could this be?
The next hour, there were a range of emotions. One minute, I am considering abortion, and the next, I am consoling Pete and telling him we couldn't possibly abort. We were close to the beach and decided to go there to collect our thoughts and consider our next steps. We talked about our options. We decided to go to the mall and check out engagement rings. We picked out rings that would be sized and ready in a few days. On the day they were available for pickup, Pete picked them up. We decided to go out for dinner and get engaged before telling our parents I was pregnant. When Pete asked me to marry him, I was elated. The ring was beautiful, and I was excited that I would get to spend the rest of my life with Pete. We had been dating for two years and knew we loved each other. Pete had a few weeks left of summer before he had to head back to college. We hadn't planned our future together because we were both trying to finish college and see what was next. In the days following the news of finding out I was pregnant, I began to wrap my head around the idea that I was pregnant and would have a baby. 
A BABY!
After getting engaged, we decided we would tell our parents. It was a bit stressful since we had no idea how they would react. It all worked out well. Both sets of parents came alongside us to help with the next steps.
Pete wrote a ceremony with scripture and vows. Then, we applied for a marriage license, and a few weeks later, we were married in my home. It was a lovely ceremony, and we were both filled with joy. 
Two weeks later, we left to go back to college, and five months later, we had Jason.

It was a mild, beautiful day in December. Pete and I decided it would be a great day to go to the park.
We invite our son, Jason, and his three children, our grandchildren, to go with us. It's a day to be
outside and enjoy the fresh air. We invite our niece, Melissa, and her dog who live close by.
The kids were running all over the place and having a good time.
The dog was enjoying the open space and running after the ball.
We were all throwing the football back and forth. The ball was thrown to me and as I reach up to try
and catch it, my legs came out from underneath me. My head ricocheted off the ground.
I rested for a few minutes, and then we left. I never gave it another thought. 
The next day, I experienced a bad headache and was very tired.
My niece called a couple of days later, and her first question was, "how is your head doing?"
I suddenly remembered what happened and it explained why I had a headache and why I was so tired.
I had a minor concussion. 
Ten months later, I was out for one of my walks. I was almost home when my ears filled up with pressure.
I couldn't walk straight, and I was dizzy.
What just happened?  It's so scary. A few seconds later it passes. I make it home.
Over the next six months I have a few more episodes. 
I decide it's time to look into why this could be happening. I talk to one of my nieces who lives
in Connecticut and is a physical therapist. She suggests I go to a physical therapist to see
if the Epley maneuver is needed.
If you have crystals dislodge in your ear, these symptoms can be present. The Epley maneuver
will cause the crystals to move and return to where they came loose.
They can perform preliminary tests to determine if this maneuver is needed and determine it
isn't necessary and he sends me to an ear, nose, and throat doctor. The one I choose
specializes in brains which is an added bonus. He asked me a lot of questions. One of them was,
"Do you ever get headaches?" I said, "Only when I am dehydrated."
He said, "Well, that is a brain response". I never thought of it being a brain response. 
He determines these episodes are vestibular migraines. Thankfully this type of migraine is not the 
type that leaves you debilitated, or that you have to take medication for. It passes within seconds,
and I know to take it easy the rest of the day. I later learn that it's the brain letting you know that
you're about to reach your limit and I need to take it easy.
At the end of the appointment, I mentioned the head trauma I experienced several months prior.
He was surprised I didn't share that with him when he first came in. I did share this information
with his assistants that had asked me a lot of questions prior to him coming into the room.
He explained that the brain has less capacity because of the brain injury. He sends me to get an MRI
to rule out a tumor in the ear canal. The MRI shows that I have encephalomalacia. It is the softening
of the brain tissue. YIKES! 
I start reading about it and have to stop. I decide to let the experts share with me what it is the next step.
The neurologist read my MRI. She asked, "Did you have brain trauma four years ago?" 
I answered, "Yes, I fell off my bike. I wasn't wearing a helmet. The side of my head hit the pavement
hard and I had a concussion." If I count the concussion I had when I was nine years old, that is
three brain injuries. WOW! 
I asked her what was next. She said, "Nothing. We will wait and see if more symptoms show up."
A year later, I scheduled an appointment with the ENT again to provide him my data I collected from the 
past year, and he said the most common cause of a vestibular migraine is dehydration. I've been
drinking more water and had one in a year. I am grateful for that.
I don't know what's next, but I know God is with me and He will provide for me.
​For now, I live!

In my blog post, The Bully, I shared about my experience with fear and anxiety. The bully was the anxiety in my heart. God allowed me to see what was in my heart and why.
In The Bully, I mentioned that someone said, “Sue doesn’t dare confront me."
God used this to show me that fear was ruling my heart.
I love that He allowed me to see what He sees.
Following this, I experienced the same discomfort as I was talking to someone. It caught my attention.
I realized I needed to say, “Hey, can we back up a few sentences? You just said,’__________________________', Can we talk about this?"
It was an open door to share and resolve a few things. I stepped into the conversation with courage, and we were able to dialogue about it. We both gained understanding and compassion for one another.
A few weeks later, the same thing happened. It was with the person who said, “Sue doesn’t dare confront me.” God gave me a dress rehearsal with the person in the above situation. So I said, “Can we back up to what you just said.” God gave me the courage and the words to speak truth to this person.
I can let things slide when I need to engage. I need to see it as an opportunity to grow my relationship with them. I can gain perspective and understanding. God is teaching me to be curious. When I ask questions, it allows me to hear their perspective. I might not know what is going on below the surface.
What knowledge do I need to attain to gain an understanding of them and where they are at?
What is going on with them that requires empathy?
How can I respond in kindness to them?
I gain new information. I can extend empathy, kindness, and compassion.
I love that God showed me that I can trust Him in difficult situations where I can let Him navigate. He will show me if He wants me to confront. He will give me the perspective He wants me to have and provide the words He wants me to share.
I can be courageous and let Him provide.
Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with His Spirit.
Galatians 5:25 ​